Thursday, March 19, 2009

The people who say they love you are the people who end up hurting you the most.

Friendship, life, family, school.

How am I going to deal with them all?

Just like Lucy’s muddle in RWAV, I’ve lost my clarity of thoughts. The sharp intake of breath every few minutes remind me all too clearly of the burning fire that will never cease, confirming my realization that this world is unbelievably cruel.

Thinking about it, it’s the actions of people close to you that cause you to grow up and mature. Not only because they nurture you but at the same time they help to instil in you the concept of how utterly absurd human relationships are.

How funny right? When they are the ones that teaches you your moral values. It is so bitterly ironic.

Reuniting, separation. We meet people and leave them, we grow up. As I look back on the past that knot in my heart only tightened and the sense of regret surrounded me. There’s so many things that I regret, things that I did, things that I didn’t, things that I had no power or the will to want to change. There are so many things, but something I know I’d never be able to let go. People.

Daddy I miss you.

All I want is to be able to hold back the tears, and hold that smile.

On by one, the people who I loved slowly left me, they said that it was to help me mature and grow up. But if being mature means this helpless agony, then I’d lost my innocence for a very long time.

I used to believe in that forever for always. But it was to be in another place, another time, another dimension.

I no longer wish to understand.